An associate of mine, a fellow psychologist mind you, once told me his theory on the nature of human thought and the reality of one’s dreams. To be perfectly honest I don’t remember everything he went on about, because it was for quite a while if I recall correctly. The reason I bring this up however is because it could very well be the only reason why I find myself standing here in the middle of some long empty road in the dead of night. I must admit though, amidst my initial confusion, the stars really do look beautiful. It’s almost as if trillions of neural synapses are firing in quick succession all throughout the night sky.
     Anyway, my associate’s theory stated that the force behind our dreams, the birth of our nightly visions stemmed from the single place, person, or even possibly a thing from which we find ourselves at the greatest level of relaxation. It should be noted that this only accounts for the dreams that are peaceful and pleasant. Even then the entire situation is rather subjective which leaves it open to numerous changes throughout one’s life. Nightmares stem from some other experiences, unfortunately I pretty much lost all focus when my friend got to that part. I could only entertain him with my interest for so long.
     Now at this point I assume one would write this off as pretty much basic and trivial, as I did. That was when my friend brought up a new drug on clinical trial that was being tested on amnesiacs. The drug attempts to enable parts of the brain, which normally remains rather dormant, in a way that unleashes the full potential of the brain. The interesting thing about this drug is what my friend said would happen if people figured out what was the root of their dreams at that given time in their life while under the influence of this drug. He theorized that you could fall asleep and enter a state where you could unlock the deepest memories of your life. You could supposedly remember thoughts as far back as when your were an infant, though I must admit that much sounds rather unlikely. He even said that you could unlock these memories and enter them with such power of belief that you would think you were actually reliving them.
     To many people this would likely bring up different thoughts and ideas. Some might think this is just more psychobabble from people who don’t even know what they’re talking about. Others might think this would be a genius way to relive all the great times they had when they were younger. After all, people will believe anything. On the other hand my case, and my life even, is one of doubt. It’s not as if I’m the most stubborn of fellows, but when I think of what life I have lived I tend to think only of the opportunities I once had and then I begin to dwell on them for far too long. I don’t really regret anything per se, it’s just that if things had come to pass just slightly different, my life might have turned out infinitely more desirable.
     So here I am as I said before, in the middle of a road beneath a glittering sky and a full moon. There’s nothing around me for miles, that I can see anyway, but empty fields, hills, and patches of trees. The sight is absolutely beautiful and the fresh scent of nature is invigorating. My every cell feels awoken with avidity.
     If there really is anything that has ever left me relaxed it has long remained to be the sight of the open road on a peaceful summer’s night, or any night for that matter. The sight has always brought up such calming thoughts from within my beleaguered soul. I’ve always thought of the pavement as feeding my adventurous urges and the white borders of the street felt like my very conscious guiding me forward. The street signs alongside me are like life’s reminders of where to turn next and the stop signs along the way set the pace, keeping me from getting ahead of myself. As you can probably tell I’ve always been one to think too much and overanalyze situations but when I’m on the road late at night my brain settles down and I can finally enjoy the peaceful side of life.
     Standing here I wonder for a moment if this is even just a dream or if it's actually real. Never has a night been as perfect as this but never has a dream felt so real. I can feel the night breeze chill every hair on my arm, and the goose bumps as they form. So I look up at the sky and to the moon and I solve the riddle. The moon has never shined so brightly nor so gallantly. It’s as if the moon is so large that it wishes to cover the entire stretch of night sky.
     It’s then that I recover control of myself and finally remember why I am here. Years of my life have passed, gone without notice, and what good do I remember of any of it? Well that’s a good question. Trials and tribulations have plagued my life since birth and I believe that I deserve amends. If I can’t live my life the way I want to then I will dream it, it’s just as well. For the longest time now I’ve wished that I could look at the world again through the eyes of a child.
     For what it’s worth, thanks to my sickly childhood, I can remember being in the backseat of a car during my chronic hospital visits and looking up at the clouds and the trees as they pass and never becoming bored. I could wake up everyday and stand at any exact place at any time every morning and though the sight would be the same to any other person it would still be as awe inspiring to me every time. That is the real definition of beauty I feel, but no more. My problem now is that I see only that which I want to see, though I won’t always be so quick to admit it.
     Unfortunately I’m not sure where to begin, or how this even works for that matter. I’m stuck in the middle of an imaginary road with no car to drive. I suppose the only thing I can do right now is start walking. The road sign next to me shows a rest stop three miles ahead. Perhaps I can find a ride there.
     About two and a half miles later with absolutely no car having passed by, my feet are surprisingly still feeling spry. I suppose I’m just anxious to finally get what I always wanted, though I’m not entirely sure what that is to begin with. So many parts of my life are just waiting to be amended, I don't know where to begin. My childhood was not one of sweet memories. Instead it was illness after illness, but I can’t imagine what I can do about that. I tried so much and endured so many procedures and medications that no intervention short of God could have helped me as a child. Back then I was so innocently hopeful, hopeful that something would change, that something would come around and end my suffering, anything.
     Before my illnesses took control of my teenage years and forced my into my room where I would rarely leave except for school I was still a rather normal child. I would go outside and play with the other children for as long as I could, and I cherished every minute that I was privileged to. At least until Frank moved into the neighborhood. The second that this chemically imbalanced offspring of emotional baggage moved in he searched long and hard for someone to vent his adolescent frustration on. Due to my sickly nature, I became the largest target he had ever seen. For the next four months I became his punching bag and he never let me forget, as if I ever would.
     Muscle aches, heart palpitations, bruises, and sprains I endured, and all of this long before Frank came around. Now with him added to the list I could only last so long, and there’s only one reason I lasted as long as I did, Alyssa. Whether she was genuinely nice or simply took pity on me, I’ll never know. What I do know is that she is the nicest person I’ll ever meet. Whenever I became too weak to continue a game with friends she was kind enough to sit out with me and keep me company. She would sit by my side and we would joke around for so long that I would forget I was ever in pain in the first place.
     Then came the one day I will never forget because it was very possibly the single event that led me into seclusion that would persuade the rest of my life. I think now I know where to begin my amends. Just in time too, I finally made it to the rest stop.
     It seems rather empty, only one car here. I suppose I should expect as much for this time of night. I wonder if I can hitch a ride. Maybe the driver can give me a lift now that I know where I'm going. Hopefully he’ll be lonely and welcome the company. Somehow I doubt it but I just hope I don’t scare him off.
     As I wonder a voice comes out of the trees, “Hey buddy, want to step away from my car?”
     “What? Who said that?” I ask nervously.
     The voice sounds again in a rather sarcastic tone, “The guy who’s going to park that car up your ass if you don’t move.”
     I step back, but I’m not sure what to make of the situation. Fortunately the man comes out of the trees and I take a look at him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you or anything,” I assure him. “I was just hoping I could get a ride. Wait a minute I know you, Connor?”
     “Yeah, how’s it going James? Haven’t seen you since the college days.”
     Connor, I should point out, was a classmate from my college psychology class. He didn’t stick around for too long though. The class was a breeze for him which is probably why he didn’t show up too often, which is probably why they failed him.
     “What are you doing in the trees behind a rest stop?” I ask.
     “Because I had to go to the bathroom of course. This is a rest stop isn’t it?”
     “Why didn’t you just use the rest rooms?”
     “You do know how filthy these places are don’t you?”
     “Fair enough.” Connor always had a reason for his oddball antics, though most times people gave up reasoning with him. “Now that I think about it, what are you doing here to begin with?”
     “Well it’s quite simple really. Everything you see now is generated by the summation of memories throughout your life. Everything that you see, smell, taste, hear, or feel is little more than a memory of a past experience, with a little help of your imagination to fill in the gaps. Since I have been part of your life I have been added to the list of memories and thus become a player in the journey you now find yourself within. So, where you headed?”
     “Oh, well I’m headed for a childhood memory,” I tell him.
     “Meh, those can be nice and all but me I’m headed for the subconscious thoughts. You’d be surprised how crazy that place really gets. It’s like a surrealist party twenty-four hours a day, I love it. Anyway, I guess I can give you a lift. Childhood memories are on the way.”
     “Thanks, I really appreciate it.”
     Twenty minutes later we reach my exit and Connor lets me out but not before he gives me a little warning, “Be careful, I remember you’re the kind of guy who claims he never regrets anything but a person forced to look back on his or her life is a dangerous thing. Chances are the longer that person looks back the more probable that he or she is to find one thing, only one if they’re lucky, that they regret.”
     “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” It’s nice of him to be concerned but I really don’t think I have to worry about anything. Sure there are some things I could have done or should have done, but I turned out all right and that’s all that matters to me. What I’m really looking for is a good night’s dream, one that can break the recent chain of sweet dreams gone awry. If I should happen to make improvements over past situations with my newfound control over my dreams then so be it.
     With that, Connor disappears around the bend and I find myself alone at exit twelve. I start walking down the exit lane and for just a moment everything goes black except for the gallant moon still shining as bright as before. Just as I look up the moon begins to shrink yet grows intensely brighter with each passing second until it’s as bright as the sun. Looking down I find myself in my backyard of my old neighborhood standing next to a table full of presents. This must be it, my twelfth birthday.
     Staring down, now roughly two feet shorter, I realize I’m just a child again. The joy of being youthful is soon lost however when my knees give out beneath me and I fall hard to the ground, landing flat on my face. The pain I feel is unbearable and I feel every moment of it. Luckily my mother is nearby and comes to my aid, but only then do I begin to cry. It has been nineteen years since I’ve laid my eyes upon her, since she was taken away prematurely from my father and I. I never blamed her for my weakened condition as a child, though the doctors and genetics said otherwise. Watching her as she cleans my cut lip only solidifies my content with the decision to ingest a drug that hasn't yet passed clinical testing, but there is another reason I am here.
     After cleaning up the wound my mother helps me to the table she setup outside and calls all of my friends over who weren’t gone on their summer vacation. Then my father comes out with the cake as everyone starts singing. I imagine he would love to be here to see himself with all his hair still on his head.
     As I blow out the candles I make a wish but I already know what’s coming my way. My mother then cuts up her special apple crumb cake and I can’t believe how good it tastes. It’s been so long since I’ve tasted this. No one since my mother has ever made a cake I loved as much as this one. Every bite of it is blissful and I only wish there was more. I swear it tastes just as I remember.
     Once everyone finishes eating I get to open my presents but the only one that matters is last, the Henry Horse stuffed animal. Every kid in the neighborhood loved the cartoon show but that’s not why I wanted it. Horses were always my favorite animal. I always wished I could be a horse that could gallop across wide open plains. Just seeing them filled me with hope that I, too, could one day roam the land.
     Everyone was jealous when they saw the stuffed horse in my possession. It was hard to find one with the high demand that it caused. Fortunately for me my dad is an honest man who knows the meaning of dedication.  
     One person who I know would be happy for me is Alyssa. Unfortunately she isn’t here, instead she’s home sick with a stomach virus and can’t go out. She was always there for me though so the least I could do is go and see how she’s feeling, but I don’t think it will be an easy trip with the way my knees are feeling. My knees were always an indicator of my health. If they ever started to feel like they were ready to go out then I knew something bad was coming. Luckily my mom kept an old pair of cheap aluminum crutches around for me.
     After getting the crutches out of the house I make my way down the street with Henry Horse in hand. Standing in front of her house brings on feelings of nostalgia that I’ve never felt before. The bench on her front porch, the tire swing hanging from her tree all remind me of the great memories I have of this place. I could stand here for hours and entertain myself with all the different memories now coming back to me. The only thing I never liked about the house is that it’s right next door to Frank.
     As I walk down the driveway the pain in my knees is replaced by a tension in my chest and a hatred that I have not forgotten. As I get halfway down the pavement the chubby little kid that would never leave well enough alone jumps from out of the bushes separating the two driveways. I take a fall to the ground just in time to avoid the baseball bat aimed for my chest. Picking up one of my crutches I swing from the ground and nail Frank upside his head, splitting his ear in two and sending him back to his house crying.
     Three broken ribs I once endured, sending me into seclusion for years to come out of fear for my well being, but not this time. My revenge is swift even if it is not real. I'm cherishing every second of this and every tear that he sheds is justice.
     Lying on the ground, staring at the sun, I become overjoyed with a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. For so long he tortured me and at last it’s as if I have driven away the very source of all my problems to come.
     It’s then that the sun becomes dim and everything around me grows dark again. The fading sun then diminishes to half of what it was and takes on the appearance of the moon once more but not nearly as bright as it once was. The pain in my knees leaves and I stand up back at exit twelve in front of an empty car with keys in the ignition. It’s the same faithful compact car I drove for years until it couldn’t hold up any longer.
     As I quickly glance up at the moon it only saddens me this time as it reminds me that this is not real. Without seeing it I might have been fooled, trapped in this false world of my own design, but that’s the risk I took. Drinking the small bottle as I laid myself to bed I knew the risk of brain damage and of never waking again, lost in a coma. Nevertheless I still wouldn’t trade this for anything.
     Being a child again reminded me, as if I ever forgot, of the next memory to visit. It’s one that has sat heavy in my heart for a long time now. The day of my mother’s funeral was one that left me so a mess that I couldn’t even attend the ceremony. I swear that I know I should have been there but no one, even God, could have lifted me from my dormitory.
     I was headed to the top before that day. Intern to one of the greatest minds in the business, declining illnesses, but most importantly a family I loved and cherished. Once I received the call that my mother had passed, no good word or dose of medicine eased the pain of my suffering for even one second. I was lost in a state of denial refusing to believe that the woman that cared so compassionately for me had passed so suddenly, leaving me ashamed that I feared her same fate.
     Exit twenty-three it is then. At least now I have a ride of my own. Too bad I don’t have any music with me to listen to, but the sound of the wind as I drive and the distant ambience of grasshoppers and owls have always been just as soothing.
     Getting in the car and putting my foot on the pedal I feel like this is what I live for, traveling down an unknown road not knowing what’s headed my way. Columbus may be remembered as one of the most infamous discoverers, but when I’m at the wheel the discoveries I make are for my eyes only. Personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way, seeing what others pass blindly by simply because they feel they’ve seen it a thousand times before even though they never once stopped to look.
     After a relaxing drive I find myself parked in front of exit twenty-three timid and weak. I know I have to do this, as a matter of principle if not anything else. The woman who gave me life was gone and I never gave her so much as a proper goodbye, all because I refused to believe it was real.
     With all of my will I force myself to drive on. Rolling softly past the exit sign I look in my crooked rearview mirror at the half-moon behind me. It slowly falls below the horizon leaving me in complete darkness just as the sun then barely peaks up from the mountains in the distant, almost as if afraid to come up. The twilight setting reveals enough for me to see the gate of the St. Mary’s cemetery. This is as far as I have ever made it. For years I’ve searched for the strength to visit her grave, only to fail every single time.
     I park the car at the entrance and stand under the sign ready to finally make the amends that I have so desperately wished for. The first step isn’t the hardest however, it’s every step after that which leaves me weak in the knees. Shaking off the remnants of my fading illnesses was something I long wished for but I would take every one of them back if it meant that she came with them.
     The sight of her tombstone leaves me feeling hollow and cold. Then the fact that this isn’t even real only makes this victory bittersweet, at best, knowing this grave is just as empty. It’s not that I don’t wish to honor her, for I could not express how greatly I wish to be with her again, but I can’t even imagine an act that could truly show the honor she deserves. So I kneel before her grave and beg for repentance, beg that she understand, even if she is as far from me now as one could ever be.
     “I love you so much. I love everything about the life you gave me I swear, and I never once regretted a second of it. The pain and suffering of my childhood is nothing compared to what I feel now. Not just broken in two, sorrowful for your fate, but disgraced that I could not even honor what you went through to pave, with such a loving man, the life I now live.
     Ironically, I know you’ve told me so many times that you wouldn’t have it any other way. That we cannot fight fate even if such a thing does exist. We had almost lost you once before, and the only thing you prayed for was that my life did not end as we feared yours would. When you stood up again so did all of my hopes. You were all the inspiration I could have ever asked for. Stronger than any man that you would endure so much and so brave that you would continue on for so long with only my best interest in mind.”
     If only I was as strong as her I might be able to successfully fight off these tears as they fall from my eyes. The autumn wind would chill me to the bone if I wasn’t already frozen in endless grief. I know she would want me to be stronger, that I might live every day of my life that I have to live with my head held high, challenging the new day. At the same time without her as I lived on, I was lost, guided only by a spent flame as I sought to follow her trail of smoke.
     “Goodbye, for now. I’d wish we could have been together longer but I know you would only change the subject. You’d tell me to look to the horizon and guess what was on the other side as you had done so many times. You always stirred my imagination and for that I am eternally in your debt, as if I wasn’t already. I don’t regret that you left, I only wish I could have gone with you.”
     As I stand back on my feet, I turn around and look at the sun still peaking from behind the horizon. Remembering my mother’s words I think back at all the times she comforted me and all the things I’ve imagined in my life.
     I close my eyes and take a deep breath in. By the time I exhale and open my eyes I’m back at exit twenty-three. This time I am not excited or overjoyed, I am simply lost in the misery and the memories that began haunting my sleep nineteen years ago.  
     After fifteen minutes of staring down at the ground my mind begins to wander. I don’t even fight it and soon my mind wanders farther and farther until I forget what I was even thinking about. All I know is that it’s so dark that if it wasn’t for the headlights of my car I would be completely blind to my surroundings. Nothing to see, not even any moonlight to shed an idea of the landscape.
     All of a sudden I realize it must be late. I don’t know where my watch is but I better get home and get some sleep. I’m sure I’ll have a bad day at work if I don’t get some rest. So I get in my car and start driving, the problem is I don’t know where I am or how to get back home. If I see a rest stop I’ll pull over, they usually have map up on a wall somewhere.
     Twenty minutes later I still don’t know where I am. It would probably help if any of these road signs actually had words on them. This must be some sort of new highway or something, it doesn’t look like it though.
     Another twenty minutes later there’s still no rest stop and I’m still as lost as one could be. If I ever find out what road this is I’m going to send a letter to the governor about these blank signs. I can’t even begin to imagine what they're thinking.
     Well if I’m ever going to get home I’m going to have to find out where I am. I guess I’ll just have to take a random exit and see if I can find out what town I’m in. Here’s one now and, of course, another blank exit sign but whatever. Hopefully there will be a diner or something where I can stop and ask for directions.
     As I make it past the exit sign my headlights turn off for a second or two and I almost swerve off the road. I don’t know what that was about but my left knee feels like I hit it hard against the door. Perhaps I should take it slow before something else happens.
     It doesn’t look like there’s much here. There’s just a bunch of houses, must be a residential area. I don’t know why it would be so close to a highway though. There is some seriously bad development planning in this area. If I see another blank sign I’m going to be incredibly furious. There’s actually something about this area though. I can’t put my finger on it but some of these houses look familiar. Maybe I’m closer to home than I originally thought.
     Wait a minute, there’s someone walking on the side of the road. This is good, a hitchhiker. She might know where this is. Actually, it looks like she’s crying, this can't be a good sign. That’s a strange sight to see at this time of night. I hope I don’t spook her off.
     I pull up next to her and roll down my window. Yet before I can even ask her a question she casually opens the door and gets in the car as if I invited her in. I don’t even know what to say, but she starts talking first anyway.
     “Thanks for leaving the party to drive me home. You didn’t have to though, I only asked because I didn’t know what else to do. I don’t think my parents would have picked me up. They never even pay attention to where I’m going, not as long as they have enough liquor to keep them happy.”
     It’s hard to see her in the darkness of the car but after hearing her talk there is only one voice that has ever sounded as sweet to me.
     “Alyssa?!”
     “Yes? What’s wrong?” she asks.
     “What are you doing here? Do you live out here now? I haven’t seen you since the end of high school.”
     “What are you talking about? That was yesterday. You didn’t get drunk did you? That would be a first for you, but I guess college is going to be a lot of firsts, that’s what they say.”
     The fact that I would run into her after so long like this is amazing. Just hearing her voice is comforting. I only wish I knew what she was talking about.
     “So Alyssa, where are you headed?”
     “I'm going home. The party didn't exactly turn out like I was hoping. You going home too?”
     “Yeah, I just wish I knew where it was.”
     “Oh, this is your first time around this area isn’t it? Just keep going straight and I’ll tell you where to turn.”
     “Okay, sounds good.”
     A few minutes into the ride we’re both sitting there silent. I look over at her as she stares out the window and wipes away her tears. I want to say something but I’m too damn shy. Even after all these years she still makes me nervous. As kids we were good friends, but after secluding myself in my room for years we drifted apart, but she never left my mind. As I remember all the times I wished I had spoken up an urge comes over me to say something, anything.
     “It’s great to see you again, it really is,” and I really am happy to see her. Every so often I would pull out an old yearbook and flip through the pictures but I’d be lieing if I said her picture wasn’t the only one I cared about. I guess it’s kind of sad, being a single middle-aged man still thinking about a teenage crush. I can’t defend myself for that, but I don’t think I even want to.
     “Yeah you must be a little tipsy, to say the least,” she says, “acting like you didn’t just see me ten minutes ago.”
     “Alyssa, are you all right? First I find you alongside a road crying and now I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
     “I’ll be fine. I’ll get by, I always do. It’s just that Mark, he just left me for some girl I’ve never even heard about before. I should have suspected as much, I’m an idiot for not seeing it coming.”
     “No you’re not. You’re easily the nicest person I’ve ever met. I only wish I had more friends like you. It would have made my life so much better.”
     “You were always a great friend too, back when we were younger. I don’t know what it was but I always felt like I could trust you to listen. I felt bad when you stopped coming out to play with everyone on the street. Part of me felt responsible like you were trying to avoid me. I know you had your injuries to deal with and I wanted to go over and see how you were doing but I didn’t want to bother you. You always went from class to class so quietly and lacking expression that I thought you looked like a walking statue.”
     “Yeah I’ve heard that one before.” The truth is I’ve heard that a thousand times before. “I guess I just felt like I didn’t have a whole lot of things to smile about.”
     “James, can I ask you a question?”
     “Of course.”
     “Did I ever annoy you when we were younger? Am I the reason you never came out?”
     “What? No, not at all. I miss joking around with you. To be perfectly honest, I’ve had somewhat of a crush on you for quite some time now. I just never really thought you'd be interested. I figured you deserved greater, someone in better condition to give you the life you wanted. Wait, I’m sorry I shouldn’t be saying this. You don’t look like you’re in the mood to talk about this. I really am sorry.”
     “Did you really have a crush on me?”
     “Yeah, I mean it’s no big deal or anything. I don’t want to freak you out.”
     “Stop,” she says.
     Great, now I’m scaring her and she wants to walk home. I should do what she wants but I don’t know if she should be walking home this late.
     “Why did you pull over? I didn’t mean stop the car.”
     “Oh, my mistake,” I say.
     “Wait a minute. Why didn’t you ever say anything to me before?”
     “I was just... too shy after a while. I couldn’t even look at you straight without sweating. You were so genuinely nice to me as a kid that I didn’t want to risk turning that into something bad.”
     “Chances are if you had just talked to me we could have been close friends again. There were plenty of times I wish I could have had someone to talk to, like you.”
     “Well, it’s not all bad. I’ve lived a successful life, I’m sure you have to. I don’t regret anything.”
     “For someone who doesn’t regret anything you do a lot of second guessing yourself,” she points out.
     “I’m all right, really. As a matter of fact this is the best I’ve felt in a long time. It’s been a while since I’ve held a conversation I liked as much as this one. I suppose it’s just nice to be talking with a good friend again.”
     After saying that she looks out the window as she did before and steps out of the car. She walks into the middle of the street behind me and begins staring into the distance.
     “Come out here a second, and turn your headlights off,” she says.
     I turn off the lights as she asks and get out of the car. I haven’t a clue what she's getting at though.
     "Okay good,” she starts, “look over there in the distance, just over the hills. It’s a full moon tonight.”
     “Yeah, I see it.”
     “Whenever I feel bad, I come out and stare at the moon. Somehow it just relaxes me to see it sailing through the sky. It always made me feel better. I could use that tonight. I thought maybe you could too. I love it when it’s this low. I forget why it is but for some reason when it’s this low it looks larger than normal. Something about perspective I think.”
     “Actually, now that you mention it, that really is a big moon. I can’t remember the last time I saw it that big,” but just as I finish my sentence I do remember. I remember walking down an imaginary road and I remember the night that I am now reliving. I suddenly remember that this is nothing but a dream, but most of all I remember why I am here.
     “Alyssa?”
     “Yes?”
     “This party tonight, the only reason I even went was to see you one last time before college. I know it may sound kind of strange but that's how much you meant to me.”
     “It’s all right, you already told me how you feel. We've always been good friends and we always will be. Just be glad you finally said something.”
     “Alyssa, that’s the thing. This isn’t even real, this is just a dream. In fact in reality I'm really just talking to myself, but I can’t stand here and look at you like I might actually have a future with you.”
     “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
     “I know you don’t, but I have to end this now. I shouldn’t have come here to begin with. This is the last night I ever saw you and that’s how it has to be, I can’t change that and I shouldn't even try. For years I would dream of you, nightly spontaneous visions that I loved, but every day I would wake up and curse that it was a dream and nothing more. I think I finally realize that dreams won’t be able to satisfy me any longer. They just can’t hold the meaning that I need in my life. It was a beautiful dream and I don’t know what life I have left but if I am ever going to a live a life worth living I need to accept that this is all it can ever be, a dream. I missed my opportunities and I think I'm finally ready to accept that. It’s my only choice.
     I entered these dreams with the hope that I could amend them, make my life seem better, even if it was only in my head. Maybe I'd even remember what it was about being a kid that made me look at the world with eyes full of imagination, but all I’ve done is prove that I have been living in my dreams for the past half of my life. I think I’m finally ready to wake up.”
     As I stand there announcing my sudden revelation, Alyssa only stands with her hands at her side and a sympathetic smile on her face. I know because as I finish speaking the moon rises from over the hills and stretches to all corners of the sky as it grows brighter and brighter until my eyes burn from the light.
     “Goodbye,” I whisper to her while I can.
     The next thing I know I’m back in my bed with sunlight beaming through my window and nailing me in my face.
     “Wow, my head feels like it's been spliced. It’s  pulsating like golf balls are running through my veins. I better make note of the side effect in my report. I think it’ll be a while before I volunteer to test anymore drugs on clinical trial.”
     Before I forget to do it I grab the report next to my bed and make note of my experience. I don’t think I’ll be using this stuff ever again. It doesn’t even do anything. I can’t even remember anything from my dream let alone the earlier years of my life. Too bad, I really could use something to help me with my dreams.